


Bodily Orifices

by Anonymous



Category: Bathroom - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fecal Matter, Lemon, Not Suitable/Safe For Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 17:58:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18526681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Literal Poop and Literal Piss are admitting their love for each other. It is too hard to write an actual lemon about this, though. Fecal Matter is sexy somehow. *Feel free to imagine them as... Poop and Piss gijinkas. Still gross. Still confused why I wrote this in the first place.





	Bodily Orifices

"I can not hold this back any longer!" Poop screamed taking Piss by complete surprise.  
"What is it?" She worryingly exclaimed, concerned with whatever it was that left her dear friend in such pain.  
"It's. It's us!" He answered much to her confusion.  
"Us?" She threw right back at him, suppressing his sudden outburst and reducing him to the flustered Poop that he's always been.  
"U...Us..." He repeated to himself, trying to gather a shred of confidence.  
"Us..." Piss mirrored again, wondering what he was going on about. "We are friends, aren't we? Great friends, even. I don't think there's anyone else I've spent so much time with- and enjoyed it, of course!"

Her warm smile reminded Poop of what he was feeling. He approached her slowly, with an expression on him that translated into a poor dog's eyes.

"You're... You mean much more to me than a friend." he stated decidedly, staring right into her.  
"You mean much to me as well. We ARE best friends, you know?"  
"No, not like that." Poop shook himself, attempting to make his standpoint clear through a bodily gesture.  
"Oh, what else is there? Are we suddenly family?" Piss gave him a little laugh and he didn't know how to respond. Some part of that implication was upsetting. But another was... enticing.  
"You're not my sister", he mumbled to himself, "Wife would fit... more."

Even though his last sentence was nothing more than a mere whisper, Piss shot up in shock. Poop already started to regret hic confidence, wishing he had just chosen to stay by her side forever as a friend. Piss grew visibly uncomfortable.

"Well..." Her voice trailed off. Of course Poop had ruined it. He always ruined it. However, unexpectedly Piss' color seemed to take on a slightly warmer hue. "Actually, it's..."

She paused herself, embarrassed to speak her mind, half-expecting Poop to take the hint. But he didn't and just sheepily stared back at her.

"You piece of crap!" She shouted.  
"W-what did I do?"  
"What didn't you do!"  
"I just... wanted to make sure you know about my feelings... Because I can't go on lying to you about them!"  
"You're such an idiot! What do you think I'm feeling right now?!"  
Poop hesitated, scratching his figurative head to analyse what was going on.  
"You're feeling... disgusted?" He asked with a questioning tone rather than a definite answer.  
"No! I mean... How do you think you're the only one with these feelings?"  
"These...?" Poop was surprised at her word choice. 'These'... refered to things... in your vicinity, instead of 'those', things that were outide your realm. It finally dawned on him what Piss might be going on about.  
"So you feel like this, too?" He asked innocently. She answered him with a soft smile. His excitement slowly rose in him, and he fell into herin an attempt to hug her out of joy. But a sudden shriek drove them apart.  
"Unacceptable!" Something sounded not far from them. As they shifted their attention, they noticed the synergy of both liquid and solid, the clots of its body asserting its dominance over the domain.  
"Blood?" Piss exclaimed surprised.

Blood closed the distance between them, intimidatingly sliding on the ground.

"It is unacceptable for you two to be together" Blood repeated. "You both have the same origin."  
"We're just kind of the same species!" Poop countered, annoyed at Blood's involvement.  
"Yet, you two are from two different ends."  
"That sounds a bit too romantic for a counter-argument, doesn't it?" Piss mentioned.  
"By that I suppose you are referring to famed Romeo and Juliet? Should that tale not have clarified to you why that is a bad idea"

The two friends kept silent. Blood had the totally wrong idea about Romeo and Juliet. The tragedy wasn't their love but the circumstances that fobid them.  
Blood shook and came even closer, edges crossing over to liquid and resulting in an orange-y hue of their fusion.

"You shall come with me." Blood demanded.  
"Please let me stay...!" Piss pleaded with her sister.  
"Don't you have a schedule to uphold?" Poop asked as a distraction. And lo and behold, it Fart  
"Curses! YOu are correct!" Blood admitted with the sound of grinding teeth. "I do have places to be at this current moment. But don't you rest upon your laurels for I will return!"  
And with a big leap Blood disappeared, dragging her clot body along with her.

Poop looked at Piss, and Piss looked back at Poop. They were alone again. Just like before. No, actually there was something else. Sparks were surrounding them, the testament to their finally truthful confession. With no grace at all they approached each other again.  
Yet again, the lovers were driven apart when a sudden noise disrupted their sweet talk. A sound not too unfamiliar towards Poop.

"Oh, looks like my friend has something to say too." he commented into the air.  
They waited for something to form, to manifest and tell them their opinion that they didn't care about, but nothing. A cruel stench spread in the air as a voice popped into Poop's mind.

"You already did it?" It snickered.  
"No, Fart." Poop answered decidedly dry.  
"What a shame!" Fart giggled even more. Piss just glared at Poop in confusion.  
"What is it now?" She inquired.  
"Fart just came. I mean, he suddenly appeared. He's like... uhm... a spirital entity."  
"That is right! I'm just in the air! Surrounding all of you! I am the one you can most depend on to listen to your worries; I'm the ether that grants you all with lifeforce" Fart proudly exclaimed, making himself out to be more than he really was.  
"Still no sense of personal space." Piss rambled quietly, as if she heard the comment Fart introduced himself with.  
"I hope you'll leave us to do what you mentioned?" Poop tried to ask him in a what he thinks is a polite, professional and secretive way.  
"Of course!" Fart snickered again. Then he whispered right to Poop: "In exchange you'll have to tell me how it was."

And the stench began to clear. Finally, at last, Piss and Poop were alone and no one left to come. Snot would surely not be visiting them, considering the far path between Nose and Butt. 

Poop began by planting kisses on Piss. Her liquid state made him softer, soaking up every last fiber of a mix of his love and his own. As the wet feeling spread throughout his body, a sudden enemy landed on him. It was Jizz.

"You two." He commented like an antagonistic rival.  
"What are you doing here, Jizz?" Poop asked furiously, buried under Jizz' white milky strips.  
"I have come for Piss", Jizz said. "I can not let you have her."  
"Why?"  
"Because she is made to be with me. I want to... intertwine with her."

Piss let out a quick shriek. Some parts of Jizz were already covering Piss', trying to mix their pasty texture with her healthy color. Her pained expression told Poop that she was not enjoying Jizz' touch.

"Leave her alone you horny Bastard!" He exclaimed, shaking off Jizz on his body. "I can't let you have her!"

Poop slid over to Piss in no time and absorbed her body into his as much as he could before making a run for it. Even though Piss was not happy with the whole situation, she couldn't help but adore Poop's courage. That and she felt like he was carrying her out like a knight, bridal style. She tightly clung to him and secretly wished they'd run forever.

An ever increasing pressure made its way on their body, and before they were able to even comprehend, they already felt hard porcelain hitting their bodies. Poop looked up. Looks like he had lost Jizz, or maybe he had just been fired into the wrong direction.

"What now?" Poop wasn't sure what to do. On one hand it was just the two of them again, on the other hand he was still a little scared of Jizz.  
"We could..." Piss trailed off again, reaching for Poop. It seemed like he finally was able to deduce what she meant.  
"Are you serious? Right here?" He was incredibly embarrassed.  
Piss just laughed.  
"Yes please." She begged him.  
"O-okay..."

Poop slowly soaked himself in the puddle of her liquid again, becoming all moist and wet and ready to mingle with her very essence. Feeling his body reflect off of hers, him bathing in all of her, feeling every last touch between them in her very core, Piss couldn't help but to moan.  
Aroused Poop started throbbing inside, hoping to make her feel an even greater feeling of pleasure. She leaked and the puddle they were located in grew bigger in size. Their intertwined bodies pressing against each other looked like a cup of vanilla-chocolate swirl pudding all over the place.  
Their colors started changing, mixing as Poop sank deeper and deeper into Piss' inside. His pants were less audible than her moans and she wished she could hold onto anything before she would lose her mind.

When poop had completely sunk into her, melted into her very self and filling her with more impulses than she had ever felt before, she screamed out of arousal and melted herself in an even greater puddle of joy. Feeling Poop deep inside her, she started hearing his panting more clearly, his throbbing more engraved into her body.  
They mixed together into pure lust, unable to let each other go and raising each other's excitement and arousal. They would be forever be intertwined now. Not as Poop and Piss, but as simple Fecal Matter.

**Author's Note:**

> btw Jizz is called Jizz because 1. hes an antagonist like Jin from XC2 and 2.it sounds similiar to Piss so it might give off the feeling of them being related, making them seem incest so that no one will 'demand' Piss to get together with Mr.Horny-on-main


End file.
